Yesterday something was posted on several of my friends Facebook's. It has really struck me and stuck with me. A women was married to an abusive man. They had six kids, and she finally got the courage to leave him. So he murdered her. Right in front of their six kids. Its such a horrible and heartbreaking thing. I didn't know her personally. But I have several friends who did. It brings a lot to the forefront of my mind.
Now, I can't speak for her and her situation, because I have no idea what exactly went on here. But I can speak from personal experience. And I can speak from what I have witnessed. And what I have experienced makes me question what we are doing for these people AS A CHURCH. Because we are a church. All together, we who believe in Christ Jesus, are a church. And if I'm totally raw and honest with you, this is the one major issue that has made me question ever going to a church again.
I come into Christian groups where I see a very very firm line on some things. I see women being told that they need to leave their fertility up to God. That they need to trust the Lord in this area to provide. But in the same groups I see women SHAMED if their families use any form of government assistance. No, its not everyone, but it does happen, a lot. In the same groups, I see that when women ask for help in any way, they are usually first directed to public assistance. I see the exact same thing in the church. How do you win?
You may wonder how this has anything to do with an abusive situation. Well, a lot of times women won't leave because they know they can not provide for their children on their own. And their abuser knows this as well, and holds it over them. They know what they are doing and they know that these women have nowhere to turn. More people have no family than you realize.
When we were homeless I can't count how many people told us to go to our family for help. We have no family. And I was treated like a disease for that. Consider this, a lot of people come to Christ, and in doing so leave their family behind. Families riddled with drugs and abuse. Unbelievers who bring nothing but toxicity into their lives.Does Jesus not say "For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." Does that mean Jesus wants divided families? No! He is telling us what WILL happen when you dedicate your life to the Lord. Your family will turn against you, because people turn against Christ and those that represent him. Also because the bible tells us "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?"
So what happens to relationships when we stop having fellowship with each other? They dry up. They disappear. As you grow closer to Christ, you grow farther from the unbelievers in your past. As it should be. But on the flip side we know we are supposed to grow closer to our Christian family. We are supposed to be in fellowship with one another. We have many examples of this in the bible. We are told to be in complete unity. The Greek words translated “fellowship” in the New Testament mean essentially a partnership to the mutual benefit of those involved. The bible calls us brothers and sisters and HIM the Father. So that leaves me to believe that we are to be a family.
Family takes care of each other. How many verses can you think of that call us to care for one another? To lift each other up? To love one another? To live as family?
-do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:4
-Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2
-Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor Romans 12:10
- So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith. Galatians 6:10
I could go on and on. There are so many in the bible that it would take up a great amount of space to put them all here. It makes it impossible to ignore. We need to love and care for one another. There's no way around that.
Yet, just as I see women being told that they are on their own financially, I am seeing them being told they are on their own in unhealthy marriages. I see women being told that they need to submit more. Read their bible more. Be more patient. Respect better. I see threads full of advice for women to keep trying and keep changing. And often, the men are defended. "He probably lashed out like that because you nagged him" Excuses are made for abusive behavior and women are told they just are not doing enough.
Women are told they can't leave because their husband didn't cheat.
This is not how it should be! We as a church should be caring for each other. Opening our homes. Coming alongside the entire family. We should not have pastors telling women that they don't have time for it, so find a councelor somewhere. We should not have men floundering, begging for help. Only to be ignored. Families struggle in hurt and loneliness while everyone stands around idly saying " I sure hope you can get someone to help you. We are praying" Don't get me wrong, prayer is great, its important, and it works, but we are called to action!
If we can INSIST that people stay in a marriage, INSIST that they keep having babies and trust the Lord ( which I absolutely agree with)
INSIST against abortion and INSIST against government assistance, then we MUST INSIST that we care for one another. Come along side each other, open our homes and our hearts and treat each other as family. We need to be the church that we are called to be. We are to care for our own.
"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8
Because when we don't, tragedies happen. Tragedies that could have been prevented.
If anyone knows and understands how hard it can be to get help, its me. Its my children. Its my husband.
I am not saying this was anyone's fault. (Besides the man who did it) I don't know. But I am saying that from personal experience, help is often not present. How as believers does that set us apart? I'm not condemning anyone. This doesn't apply to everyone. But, through major hardships of our own, and watching how CHRISTIANS often respond to situations, I see that often times unbelievers have more love and compassion.
Isn't that a little upside down? I once heard my pastor preach on this. How do we expect to bring people to the faith this way? I think its time we take a good hard look at ourselves as believers.
I say this ALL completely in love as someone who has experienced this hurt from the church, MY FAMILY.
